Unboredify!: The Dresser Of Tall Tales | Making Instruction Manuals Interesting

‍Narrator: Matt is at home, having recently acquired a brand new flat pack dresser. He sits comfortably on the beige carpet, pawing over an instruction manual and sipping a cup of Mate. 

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[Audio Direction: Soft instrumental background, calm but subtly unsettling, grows gradually more intense.]

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Matt: The KRAFTSMAN Woodland Oak Dresser Instructions—a beautifully modest piece designed to store your physical belongings. Use the tools provided in plastic bag 2 and open Bag 1, which contains screws and washers as unassuming as the small moments that construct our lives. 

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Narrator: Matt looked confused for a moment before a smirk grew on his face. 

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Matt to Himself: Ha ha, oh I’ve seen these before. Whoever wrote this must've had some fun.

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[Audio Direction: Sound of a zipper, like a bag opening, and screws rattling.]

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Matt: Step one, align Panel A with the base. Fasten screws clockwise to lock Panel A with the base, making sure to hold bolt 2 and screw 2 securely. Overeager tension creates instability, a principle universally acknowledged, yet seldom respected.

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Narrator: Matt smiled again. 

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Matt to Himself: They should do more instructions like this. Makes screwing in a board feel poetic.

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[Audio Direction: The sound of a screwdriver turning screws, with a mild echo to suggest a growing shift in atmosphere.]

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Matt: Insert Panel C, D and E, the shelves, into their designated slots. Use wood glue (not included) along slots for extra security. They should fit with a satisfying snap, like the incremental achievements that give us temporary contentment in life.

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Narrator: He snapped the shelf into place, forgetting about the glue. 

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Matt to Himself: Ah, the sweet snap of existential satisfaction. What's next, a haiku about dowels?

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[Audio Direction: The brief sound of wood snapping into place, subtly overlaid with a quiet, distant applause.]

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Matt: Attach the back panel, panel F. Use the pin nails from Bag 1. They’re small and barely visible, but without them, the whole structure is vulnerable. Much like the insignificant-seeming lies we tell ourselves for the sake of stability.

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Matt to Himself: Geez, these instructions are turning a bit bleak aren’t they? 

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[Audio Direction: Slow crescendo of eerie background music begins.]

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Matt: Step four, attach the handles. These are no ordinary handles; they're composed of repurposed wood from ancient shipwrecks, complete with an echo of stories long-forgotten. 

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Narrator: He looked skeptically at the instructions and then at the almost finished dresser then back again. 

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Matt: Ok, sure, where is this going? 

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[Audio Direction: attaches the handles]

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Matt: Once affixed, you might think they're simply for opening drawers. But pay attention: With each pull, you will hear whispers—faint, but clear—of tales and secrets lost at sea. You see, every open and close is not just a mechanical act but a dialogue with history, connecting you with narratives that were submerged for centuries.

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Narrator: He did not have to think for very long before pulling the handles. 

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[Audio Direction: Matt pulls draws]

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Captain Fede: We were fired upon from all sides by the British ships. We could hear the gunners shouting through the portholes…we were doing cocaine and rum off cannons

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[Audio Direction: Matt shuts the draw]

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Matt: What the hell was that? 

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Narrator: Matt walks away from the dresser, hand over mouth, surprised…but intrigued. It was that intrigue that brought him back to it, hand reaching out. 

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[Audio Direction: Matt pulls draws]

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Narrator: The story had changed. 

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PirateTom: I had heard rumors, whispers really, of a treasure guarded by the Siren of the Abyss. Many had sought it; none had returned. I set sail under a moonless night, a sky devoid of celestial guidance. With me, an enchanted harpoon said to pierce even the toughest of scales. I was unafraid; I was resolute. Weeks passed like fleeting moments, until one day, she appeared. Not a monster, but an ethereal presence singing a melancholic melody that seemed to capture the very essence of longing and sorrow. My harpoon lowered; my resolve wavered. I listened, and the Siren spoke. She told me the treasure was cursed, a damnation of insatiable greed for whoever laid hands upon it. She offered me a single scale, radiant with an inner light. "This scale," she said, "has the power to reveal the truth—a gift far more valuable than any chest of gold." I accepted and sailed back to my world, leaving the cursed treasure to its eternal guardian.

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[Audio Direction: Matt shuts the draw]

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Matt: I can't believe a piece of furniture could hold such a deep story. This thing must be worth millions. 

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Narrator: Matt backed away from the dresser. He picked up the instructions again from the windowsill and brought them close to his face. 

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[Audio Direction: rustling paper]

Matt: Here it is, the final step. Step five: Upon successful assembly, you have not only built a dresser but unlocked the KRAFTSMAN Woodland Oak Dresser's secret—a story, a lesson from the past. Secure the final screw, screw G, in the top drawer, drawer H, and realize that you’ve constructed more than a piece of furniture. You’ve constructed a bridge to another world.

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[Audio Direction: Matt puts the paper down]

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Matt: Wow. 

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Narrator: He took a step back. In constructing the dresser, he assembled a new understanding, a realisation that every object, no matter how trivial it seems, holds untold tales just waiting to be discovered. 

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